Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Humorous Bathroom Stories

I wasn't going to write this because I was to embarassed, but I figured what the hey. I thought of a couple of humorous stories when I read a friends blog, "Whose Roll Is It Anyway" from (Steve at Random). So here goes.

The first one is on my favorite Uncle, Marvin. People who know me, know how jumpy I can be when startled. I think I inherited my jumpyness from Uncle Marvin but let me first say that I think he is worse than I. Anyway My Uncle, Aunt, and his mother-in-law were all traveling together to AZ. Of course being three, and all in the same family they shared a motel room. (Seperate beds of course.) One night my Uncle gets up some time in the wee hours of the morning because mother nature is calling. Not to disturb his wife and mother-in-law by turning on the light, he preceeds to work his way to bathroom by walking his hands along the wall. Little did he know that his mother-in-law was on her way back to bed doing the same thing. Well you can imagine the noise and screams when their hands met in the dark along the wall. I still laugh at this one until I think of what I might have done if it was me instead of him. Might have been an accident.

The next one is on me. When I was working, I traveled a lot. On one of my business trips I am getting ready early one morning. My hotel room is one of those where the sink and mirror is out side of the shower and toilet. When I finished my shower I closed the bathroom door so as not to fog up the mirror so I can complete my morning ritual. Now I have to explain that the door swings from the sink area and has been open all the time I have been in my room. When I closed the door I didn't notice, at first anyway, the full length mirror on the back of the door. I was digging something out of my shaving kit so my back was to the door when I pushed it shut. As I turned to face the sink I noticed movement to my left. I looked, and here is a naked guy standing there. I don't think I have to explain what happened. I checked out that morning and I wasn't notified that I had disturbed anyone with my scream. No police showed up either.

You may want to quit now cause this next one is worse. We all know, at least those of us who need to get up in the middle of the night, the way to the bathroom. There is no need to turn on any lights because you know the way. This time I am at home, it is again in the wee hours of the morning, and the urge has appeared once again. I get out of bed and work my way to the bathroom. In our house the throne has its own little room, no windows, so it is extremely dark. I walk into the room, turn 45 degrees and prepare to drop my drawers and sit. Low and behold, and unknown to me, the throne is busy. Out of the dark comes this perturbed voice that says rather loudly, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?. All I can say is that it is a good thing my heart is in good shape, because why I didn't have a heart attack is beyond me. My comment to my wonderful wife, who I didn't think was so wonderful at that moment, was, WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO TELL ME YOU WERE HERE? Her comment back to me was DO YOU THINK YOU LIVE HERE ALONE? Anyway, once I got my heart back into my chest and regained my composure we both got a good laugh. In fact I remember coming back to bed and she was still giggling.

One last one. Myself and two friends had just completed a round of golf. After a beer at hole 19 we went to the bathroom before departing. As usual, me being a little slower, I was the last one out of the bathroom. I followed Bob one of my friends out of the bathroom and our other friend had his back turned to us, with his foot up on a bench, tieing his shoe. Bob took his hand and was going to swat him on the posterior and then at the last moment held back. Me, being not as nice, let go with a good slap across the old backside. When my friend stood up I realized why Bob had held back. I did not know the name of the guy that I hit and he didn't even give me time to explain what happened. In fact he left in such a hurry I didn't say much at all. The stranger didn't say anything either. In fact, I am not sure he had a voice. It was probably best anyway as both Bob and Roger, the guy who I thought I hit, were laughing so hard he wouldn't have believed me. Please know, in my defense, that this guy could have been Roger's twin, at least from the rear view. Bob said he saw what was happening also but didn't have time to stop me. I bet!

Well I think I have said enough.

"Life Is Good If You Let It"


randymeiss said...

Oh my. I was laughing so hard they came into my office to make sure nothing was wrong with me. Your skittishness brings back memories. 4th of July at the MN farm. All the cousins had those crackers you tie inside car doors so people get a nice bang when they open them. I think we got just about every adult that day, but you were hand's down, unanimous decision, the absolute funniest to scare. (and over and over again) You were scared to even approach a door knob.

Ok, one of my own. Although puny compared to your stories. High school morning routine. The "style du jour" was long hair. Long hair gets in my eyes, something I absolutely hate!

My morning routine after the shower, while my hair was still partially wet, was to comb and sweep everything back. Then I would bow my head and flip it back, bow, flip it back, about 30-40 times until I had enough volume and wave and nothing was in my eyes.

One morning I was a bit overzealous with my bowing and absolutely smashed my forehead on the vanity counter. I swear I got a mild concussion from that incident. I didn't pass out but I everything was extremely blurry for a long time. You think I had a head-ache that day?

Steve at Random said...

Jim - Great stories. I can't tell you which one I like best. I had a practical joke played on me about the first week I worked for MDU back in the mid-1980s. I was replacing an old geezer who hated my guts for a number of reasons. Anyway, one day at coffee break, I spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap. The geezer walked to the window and then made a phone call before returning to our table. When the break was over and I returned to my desk, the CEO's secretary called me and told me that Jack (the president, CEO and chairman of the board) wanted to me right away and I should come up to the fifth floor and meet him. I didn't know what to do as my pants were still wet, but deciding that I had better meet him, I took the elevator from the first to the fifth floors. There to meet was the executive secretaries and the geezer -- all enjoying a good laugh at my expense. It turned out that Jack was out of town, as determined by the geezer when he walked to the window and saw Jack's car missing from the parking lot. The best thing to do is look back at these mis-adventures and laugh. However, we never seem to forget them.

AZJim said...

Thanks for the comments and especially the stories. I think we all could write a few blogs on humorous stories.

randymeiss said...

Ok, one more. This one happened in elementary school well before the head smashing incident above. I had mastered the art of flipping in our gymnastics unit of phys. ed. I had this routine before going to bed where I'd take a couple steps into my room, launch into the air, flip, and land on my back in bed. I have to say it was pretty impressive.

Well, one night nature called and I had to visit the bathroom. As you said, I knew the route by heart and there was no need to turn on any lights. After I finished my business I went back into my room and thought, "why not?" It was pitch black but I was so good at my routine I was sure I wouldn't have any trouble.

Yeah right. As you might be able to guess, without any visual reference I seriously misjudged the distance to the bed and after my disastrous flip wound up kiddy-whompus on my back on the floor, sprawled up against the foot of the bed with both legs sticking straight up in the air.

It was the last time I ever tried to flip myself into bed. Once in awhile I do manage to learn from my mistakes.